A train is bout 2 crash!
A frantic virgin strips off & says "can any1 make me feel like a woman b4 i die?"
So a man takes off his clothes & says "iron these!"
Saturday, April 21, 2007
tattoo
3 advantages of gettin a £50 note tattood on urcock:
1- Ucan play wid ur money,
2- Ucan see ur money grow
3- Ur girlcan blow as much money as she wants
1- Ucan play wid ur money,
2- Ucan see ur money grow
3- Ur girlcan blow as much money as she wants
Friday, April 13, 2007
sex
sex is
like nokia (connecting people)
like nike (just do it)
like pepsi (ask for more) and
like samsung (everybody is invited)
like nokia (connecting people)
like nike (just do it)
like pepsi (ask for more) and
like samsung (everybody is invited)
Monday, April 2, 2007
MIRACLES OF WOMAN
1. GETTING WET WITHOUT TAKING SHOWER
2. BLEEDING WITHOUT GETTING HURT.
3. GIVING MILK WITHOUT EATING GRASS
& MAKING BONELESS FLESH HARD
2. BLEEDING WITHOUT GETTING HURT.
3. GIVING MILK WITHOUT EATING GRASS
& MAKING BONELESS FLESH HARD
BLUETOOTH
In front of Girls hostel a boy masturbate,
on seeing this his friend ask what r u doing ?
Boy: Fucking my GF via Bluetooth
on seeing this his friend ask what r u doing ?
Boy: Fucking my GF via Bluetooth
Sunday, April 1, 2007
SEX POETRY
love is a gamble,
sex is a game;
boyz do the action,
girls get the blame;
one night of pleasure,
9 months of pain;
one day in hospital
& junior needs a name.
sex is a game;
boyz do the action,
girls get the blame;
one night of pleasure,
9 months of pain;
one day in hospital
& junior needs a name.
NURSE
Nurse lost her cat.nurse in the hospital- any 1 got a pussy,all women stood up,
i mean any one seen a pussy, all men stood up.
I meant any one seen my pussy, all doctors stood up.
i mean any one seen a pussy, all men stood up.
I meant any one seen my pussy, all doctors stood up.
BESTSELLER
QUESTION: What should be in a book to make it a bestseller?
ANSWER: A girl on the cover and no cover on the girl.
ANSWER: A girl on the cover and no cover on the girl.
poker and sex
Having SEX is like
playin Poker.
If you dont hv a good partner,
you better hv a good hand...
playin Poker.
If you dont hv a good partner,
you better hv a good hand...
Cheating
for tooth paste add
they showing Teeth !!!
for hair oil
they show hair !!!
for face cream they show - face !!!
but 4 whisper & STAYFREE add they r showing nothing
!!!!they r cheating us !!
they showing Teeth !!!
for hair oil
they show hair !!!
for face cream they show - face !!!
but 4 whisper & STAYFREE add they r showing nothing
!!!!they r cheating us !!
Saturday, March 31, 2007
WHATS THE DIFFERENSE
What is the diff. Between a sky & skirt?
A sky covers the whole universe! The skirt covers the universal hole!
A sky covers the whole universe! The skirt covers the universal hole!
stress, tension & panic
What's the difference between stress, tension & panic?
Stress is when wife is pregnant, tension is when g/f is pregnant & panic is when both r pregnant.
Stress is when wife is pregnant, tension is when g/f is pregnant & panic is when both r pregnant.
what's comman...?
what's comman between burnt toast & a pregnant girlFriend???.
In Both Casess U WISH KASH I HAD REMOVED 2 SECONDS BEFORE!!!
In Both Casess U WISH KASH I HAD REMOVED 2 SECONDS BEFORE!!!
VEHICLE N WOMAN
Front - 2 bumpers!
Back - 2 bumpers!
Self lubricating when hot!
Monthly automatic engine oil change!
Every type of piston fits!
What’s common
What’s common between the SUN & WOMEN’S UNDERWEAR?
1) both are hot.
2) both look better while going down
3) both disappear by night…………
1) both are hot.
2) both look better while going down
3) both disappear by night…………
THOUGHTS,
When a man talks dirty to a woman, it's sexual harassment.
When a woman talks dirty to a man, it's $3.95 per minute.
When a woman talks dirty to a man, it's $3.95 per minute.
THOUGHTS
Behind every SUCCESSFUL woman, there is a SATISFIED man,But behind a SATISFIED woman, there are several EXHAUSTED men…
SMARTEST STORY
SMARTEST STORY
A first-grade teacher, Ms Neelam (Age 28) was having trouble with one of her students the teacher asked,”Boy. what is your problem?”
Boy. answered, “I’m too smart for the first-grade.My sister is in the third-grade and I’m smarter than she is! I think I should be in the third-grade too!”
Ms Neelam had enough. She took Boy. to the principal’s office.While Boy. waited in the outer office, the teacher explained to the principal what the situation was.The principal told Ms Neelam he would give the boy a test and if he failed to answer any of his questions he was to go back to the first-grade and behave.She agreed.
Boy. was brought in and the conditions were explained to him and he agreed to take the test.
Principal: “What is 3 x 3?”Boy.: “9″.
Principal: “What is 6 x 6?”Boy.: “36″.
And so it went with every question the principal thought a third-grade should know.
The principal looks at Ms Neelam and tells her, “I think Boy. can go to the third-grade.”
Ms Neelam says to the principal, “I have some of my own questions.Can I ask him ?”
The principal and Boy. both agree.Ms Neelam asks, “What does a cow have four of that I have only two of?
Boy., after a moment “Legs.”
Ms Nee lam: “What is in your pants that you have but I do not have?”
Boy.: “Pockets.”
Ms Neelam: What starts with a C and ends with a T, is hairy, oval, delicious and contains thin whitish liquid?
Boy.: Coconut
Ms Neelam: What goes in hard and pink then comes out soft And sticky?The principal’s eyes open really wide and before he could stop the answer, Boy. was taking charge.
Boy.: Bubblegum
Ms Neelam: What does a man do standing up, a woman does sitting down and a dog does on three leg s? The principal’s eyes open really wide and before he could stop the answer…
Boy.: Shake hands
Ms Neelam: Now I will ask some “Who am I” sort of questions, okay?
Boy.: Yep.
Ms Neelam: You stick your poles inside me. You tie me down to get me up.I get wet before you do.
Boy.: Tent
Ms Neelam: A finger goes in me. You fiddle with me when you’re bored.The best man always has me first.The Principal was looking restless, a bit tense and took one large Patiala Vodka peg.
Boy.: Wedding Ring
Ms Neelam: I come in many sizes. When I’m not well, I drip. When you blow me, you feel good.
Boy.: Nose
Ms Neelam: I have a stiff shaft. My tip penetrates. I come with a quiver.
Boy.: Arrow
Ms Neelam: What word star ts with a ‘F’ and ends in ‘K’ that means lot of heat and excitement?Boy.Firetruck
Ms Neelam: What word starts with a ‘F’ and ends in ‘K’ & if u dont get it u have to use ur hand.
Boy.: Fork
Ms Neelam: What is it that all men have one of it’s longer on some men than on others, the pope doesn’t use his and a man gives it to his wife after they’re married?
Boy.: SURNAMEMs
Neelam: What part of the man has no bone but has muscles, has lots of veins, like pumping, & is responsible for making love ?
Boy.: HEART.
The principal breathed a sigh of relief and said to the teacher, “Send this Boy. to College, I got the last ten questions wrong myself!”
A first-grade teacher, Ms Neelam (Age 28) was having trouble with one of her students the teacher asked,”Boy. what is your problem?”
Boy. answered, “I’m too smart for the first-grade.My sister is in the third-grade and I’m smarter than she is! I think I should be in the third-grade too!”
Ms Neelam had enough. She took Boy. to the principal’s office.While Boy. waited in the outer office, the teacher explained to the principal what the situation was.The principal told Ms Neelam he would give the boy a test and if he failed to answer any of his questions he was to go back to the first-grade and behave.She agreed.
Boy. was brought in and the conditions were explained to him and he agreed to take the test.
Principal: “What is 3 x 3?”Boy.: “9″.
Principal: “What is 6 x 6?”Boy.: “36″.
And so it went with every question the principal thought a third-grade should know.
The principal looks at Ms Neelam and tells her, “I think Boy. can go to the third-grade.”
Ms Neelam says to the principal, “I have some of my own questions.Can I ask him ?”
The principal and Boy. both agree.Ms Neelam asks, “What does a cow have four of that I have only two of?
Boy., after a moment “Legs.”
Ms Nee lam: “What is in your pants that you have but I do not have?”
Boy.: “Pockets.”
Ms Neelam: What starts with a C and ends with a T, is hairy, oval, delicious and contains thin whitish liquid?
Boy.: Coconut
Ms Neelam: What goes in hard and pink then comes out soft And sticky?The principal’s eyes open really wide and before he could stop the answer, Boy. was taking charge.
Boy.: Bubblegum
Ms Neelam: What does a man do standing up, a woman does sitting down and a dog does on three leg s? The principal’s eyes open really wide and before he could stop the answer…
Boy.: Shake hands
Ms Neelam: Now I will ask some “Who am I” sort of questions, okay?
Boy.: Yep.
Ms Neelam: You stick your poles inside me. You tie me down to get me up.I get wet before you do.
Boy.: Tent
Ms Neelam: A finger goes in me. You fiddle with me when you’re bored.The best man always has me first.The Principal was looking restless, a bit tense and took one large Patiala Vodka peg.
Boy.: Wedding Ring
Ms Neelam: I come in many sizes. When I’m not well, I drip. When you blow me, you feel good.
Boy.: Nose
Ms Neelam: I have a stiff shaft. My tip penetrates. I come with a quiver.
Boy.: Arrow
Ms Neelam: What word star ts with a ‘F’ and ends in ‘K’ that means lot of heat and excitement?Boy.Firetruck
Ms Neelam: What word starts with a ‘F’ and ends in ‘K’ & if u dont get it u have to use ur hand.
Boy.: Fork
Ms Neelam: What is it that all men have one of it’s longer on some men than on others, the pope doesn’t use his and a man gives it to his wife after they’re married?
Boy.: SURNAMEMs
Neelam: What part of the man has no bone but has muscles, has lots of veins, like pumping, & is responsible for making love ?
Boy.: HEART.
The principal breathed a sigh of relief and said to the teacher, “Send this Boy. to College, I got the last ten questions wrong myself!”
DOCTOR
teacher: what do you want to become?
student: doctor !!teacher: why?
student: coz its the only profession where u can tell a woman to take off her clothes and ask her husband to pay for it
student: doctor !!teacher: why?
student: coz its the only profession where u can tell a woman to take off her clothes and ask her husband to pay for it
WHY???
Q: Why are breasts located in the upper half of a woman's body?
A: Because, milk should be kept away from the pussy?
A: Because, milk should be kept away from the pussy?
GYNASCOLGIST
Q: WHO IS A GYNASCOLGIST?
A: HE IS THE ONLY FOOL ON THE EARTH WHOLOOKS FOR PROBLEMS, WHERE MOST PEOPLE FIND PLEASURE.
A: HE IS THE ONLY FOOL ON THE EARTH WHOLOOKS FOR PROBLEMS, WHERE MOST PEOPLE FIND PLEASURE.
penis better than a credit card
Why is men's penis better than a credit card?
1. Once spend it will recharge itself.
2. It is accepted worldwide.
3. U can let ur wife use it as much as she wants.
1. Once spend it will recharge itself.
2. It is accepted worldwide.
3. U can let ur wife use it as much as she wants.
Thursday, March 29, 2007
birth control pill
Q: What’s a birth control pill?
A: It’s the second best thing a woman can put in her mouth to prevent pregnancy.
A: It’s the second best thing a woman can put in her mouth to prevent pregnancy.
transparent condoms
Why are the condoms transparent ?
So that the sperm can atleast enjoy the scenery!
So that the sperm can atleast enjoy the scenery!
GUESS????
A boy & gal watching movie in Theatre
.
.
A mosquito enters in girl's skirt
.
.
Can u guess where did mosquito Bite...???
Guess
.
.
.
Guess
.
.
.
The boy's hand
.
.
A mosquito enters in girl's skirt
.
.
Can u guess where did mosquito Bite...???
Guess
.
.
.
Guess
.
.
.
The boy's hand
smallest hotel in the world
Q:: Which is the smallest hotel in the world..??
A:: THE VAGINA INN... it can accomodate only on standing guest, with his luggage Hanging Outside..
A:: THE VAGINA INN... it can accomodate only on standing guest, with his luggage Hanging Outside..
invisible sex
What is invisible sex?
A male Negro fucking a female Negro under moonless night in a coal mine wearing a black condom.
A male Negro fucking a female Negro under moonless night in a coal mine wearing a black condom.
penis deserve overtime & hazard pay
Q: Does penis deserve overtime & hazard pay?
A: Yes! Coz it works in deep, damp, hot tunnels, often head down & mostly in night shifts!
A: Yes! Coz it works in deep, damp, hot tunnels, often head down & mostly in night shifts!
PERIOD
Teacher: Do u know the importance of a period.
Student: Yes, once my sister said she missed one--on hearing that my mom fainted, my dad got an heart attack and our driver ran away.
Student: Yes, once my sister said she missed one--on hearing that my mom fainted, my dad got an heart attack and our driver ran away.
DONT RUB THIS
One day when the teacher walked to the black board, she noticed someone handwritten the word 'penis' in tiny small letters.She turned around, scanned the class looking for the guilty face.Finding none, she quickly erased it, and began her class.The next day she went into the room, and she saw, in larger letters, the word 'penis' again on the black board.Again, she looked around in vain for the culprit, but found none,so she proceeded with the day's lesson.Every morning, for about a week, she went into the classroom and found the same word written on the board,each day's word,larger than the previous day's word.Finally, one day, she walked in, expecting to be greeted by the same word on the board, but instead, found the words, "The more you rub it, the bigger it gets!"
QUESTION
who sang the song
main pal do pal ka shayar ho
pal do pal meri jawani hai
pal dopal mera jeevan hai
pal do palmeri kahani hai
ans: ERECT PENIS
main pal do pal ka shayar ho
pal do pal meri jawani hai
pal dopal mera jeevan hai
pal do palmeri kahani hai
ans: ERECT PENIS
LENGTH
Bio teacher: Girls, the size of a penis should be 6 inches for successful penetration.
Girl: Mam, how about 9 inches?
Teacher: I was talking of necessity not luxury.
Girl: Mam, how about 9 inches?
Teacher: I was talking of necessity not luxury.
GIRLS
Girl: Mom what is a PENIS?
Mom: When U Become a GOOD GIRL U’ll get One.
Girl: But what if I don’t become a Good Girl?
Mom: Then U will Get MANY…
Mom: When U Become a GOOD GIRL U’ll get One.
Girl: But what if I don’t become a Good Girl?
Mom: Then U will Get MANY…
Military Etiquettes of Penis
Military Etiquettes of Penis:-
1) It Salutes da deservin ppl.
2)It Conquers da Virgin Land
3)It Marches thru thick Jungles
4) Fights till last breath!!!
1) It Salutes da deservin ppl.
2)It Conquers da Virgin Land
3)It Marches thru thick Jungles
4) Fights till last breath!!!
PASSWORD
A new employee joins the Company, and is required to have a password setup for his computer. The boss directed a secretary to setup the password for him. The secretary asks the man for the password. The man, attempting to embrass the secretary in order to show superiority, said,"Penis."Blushed, the secretary inputted the password Penis, and re-typed it again. Then she hit enter. The whole office heard the secretary bursting out of laughters as a reaction from the computer's screen: "Password rejected. Reason: Too short"
BE TRENDY
be trendy
.
.
.
next time
when you go to
dance bar
dont stuff money
in d dancer's panty
instead pull the panties down
& swipe the credit card...
.
.
.
next time
when you go to
dance bar
dont stuff money
in d dancer's panty
instead pull the panties down
& swipe the credit card...
NEWTON'S 5th LAW
NEWTON'S 5th LAW
When a hole meets a pole then the holarity of the hole n the polarity of the pole creates a new soul which is either a hole or a pole.
When a hole meets a pole then the holarity of the hole n the polarity of the pole creates a new soul which is either a hole or a pole.
NEWTON'S 2nd LAW
NEWTON'S 2nd LAW
The depth of the hole is directly proportional to the length of the pole.
The depth of the hole is directly proportional to the length of the pole.
NEWTON'S 4th LAW
Newton's 4th Law of Motion :If u run around atree with the speed of light, u'll fuck u'r own ass
MUNNA BHAI
circuit: agar baapu ke samne kisi ka balatkar ho jayega to bapu kya bolega
munna bhai: bapu bolega agar ek side ho gaya to dusra side dedo.
munna bhai: bapu bolega agar ek side ho gaya to dusra side dedo.
LADIES HOSTEL
Ladies Hostel's warden calls the state electricity board & says,"Aaj toh aadmi kaam pe bhej do, ladkiyaan 3 din se mombatti se kaam chala rahi hain."
SIZE DOES MATTER
Girl’s reaction to penis sizes-
9”: Oh! Shit, It pains.
7”: Oh! Yes, Oh no.
6”: Ohhh! Perfect.
5”: Ohmm! Ok.
4”: Push More.
3”: Is it in?
2”: Idiot! Just use your tongue
GIRLSSSSS
Girl To An Other Girl:WHEN YOU ARE HAVING SEX DO YOU LIKE TO TALK TO YOUR HUSBAND
She Replied: IF PHONE IS NEAR THE BED THEN USUALLY I TALK.!!!!
She Replied: IF PHONE IS NEAR THE BED THEN USUALLY I TALK.!!!!
1st 4 Days......
First 4 days of girls:
1. Love me, Don't touch me.
2. Touch me, Don't kiss me.
3. Kiss me, Don't fuck me.
4. Fuck me, Don't forget me.
1. Love me, Don't touch me.
2. Touch me, Don't kiss me.
3. Kiss me, Don't fuck me.
4. Fuck me, Don't forget me.
FUCKING
can u name 5 great kings
who hv brought pleasure and happiness into peoples lives?
smo-king
drin-king
lic-king
suc-king
and ofcourse
fuc-king.
who hv brought pleasure and happiness into peoples lives?
smo-king
drin-king
lic-king
suc-king
and ofcourse
fuc-king.
LEARN
A man tries to advise his wife on saving
" Darling> if you could learn to cook we can fire our> cook"
>> Wife - Yes " Darling if you could learn to fuck we> can fire our driver"
FLIRTING
flirting is the only job in the world that a man cannot include in his biodata
despite having years of experience and no of refrences..
despite having years of experience and no of refrences..
DIRTY MIND
feelingbored???
thinkingwhat to do??
open
the zip
insert your hand in
between the zip
take out
your
.
.
.
book from your bag and study....u dirty mind.....
thinkingwhat to do??
open
the zip
insert your hand in
between the zip
take out
your
.
.
.
book from your bag and study....u dirty mind.....
skin meet skin
When does skin meet skin?
Hairs meet hair?
And balls disappear?? -
Think
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.u - dirty - mind.....it happens when u blink ur eyes!
Hairs meet hair?
And balls disappear?? -
Think
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.u - dirty - mind.....it happens when u blink ur eyes!
HARBHAJAN SINGH
Harbhajan singh gets married.During suhag raat he asks his wife,"r u a virgin?
"she replies, "kar di na sardaron wali baat,Spinner ko kabhie nayi ball milti hai"?
"she replies, "kar di na sardaron wali baat,Spinner ko kabhie nayi ball milti hai"?
WHATS THE DIFFERENSE
Q: What's the diff between hook in cricket and hook of bra?
A: One sends ball out of boundary and other keeps balls within the boundary
A: One sends ball out of boundary and other keeps balls within the boundary
Tuesday, March 27, 2007
CAN YOU ANSWER??,
What is Long & Hard, has a hole at the tip and when u insert it into a wet, hairy & tight hole makes u feel better?
.
.
.
.
.
.
Vicks Inhaler
SIZE OF BREAST
why do 99% of the girls have a larger left breast?
.
.
.
becz 99% of the guys are right handed
.
.
.
becz 99% of the guys are right handed
RADIO MIRCHI
Girl: Im like a radio,
my mouth spkr,
my left breast tuner,
right 1 volume.
Man:Can I try?(touches d breats)-no sound.
Girl:U havent plugged in yet!
my mouth spkr,
my left breast tuner,
right 1 volume.
Man:Can I try?(touches d breats)-no sound.
Girl:U havent plugged in yet!
WOMANS BODY
According 2 Chinese Docs,
a WoMaN'S BoDy HaS Five RooMS:
1.FACE-show room
2.BOOBS-play room
3.TUMMY-store room
4.VAGINA-men's room
5.ANUS-emergency room
a WoMaN'S BoDy HaS Five RooMS:
1.FACE-show room
2.BOOBS-play room
3.TUMMY-store room
4.VAGINA-men's room
5.ANUS-emergency room
WHY???
Q: Why are breasts located in the upper half of a woman's body?
A: Because, milk should be kept away from the pussy?
A: Because, milk should be kept away from the pussy?
GoOd FrIeNd
good friend is just like the "Bra of girl "
Which is comfertable,
supportive,
that holds her tight,
& prevent her from falling
& always close to Heart.
GoOd FrIeNd
good friend is just like the "Bra of girl "
Which is comfertable,
supportive,
that holds her tight,
& prevent her from falling
& always close to Heart.
GIRLS
>A girl went to a swimming pool in a BRA & PANTY.
>Coach says: Mam,here a 2 piece costume is notallowed.
>Girl says: which one should i remove? !!
3 good manners of MALEpenis
3 good manners of MALEpenis:
1. COURTEOUS: It stands before performing.
2. EMOTIONAL: It cries during the performance.
3. POLITE: It bows down after the performance.
1. COURTEOUS: It stands before performing.
2. EMOTIONAL: It cries during the performance.
3. POLITE: It bows down after the performance.
SOFTWARE N HARDWARE
Boy: can I touch ur software?
Girl: show me ur hardware।
Boy: can I download in ur system?
Girl: use anti-virus protection, ur programme may have virus।
Girl: show me ur hardware।
Boy: can I download in ur system?
Girl: use anti-virus protection, ur programme may have virus।
BOY N GIRL
A girl removed her jeans, threw it at her boy friend & said “MAKE ME FEEL LIKE A WIFE”
boy removed his jeans too, threw it at the girl & said “WASH BOTH THE JEANS”
FASTEST CENTURY
fastest centuries in the world
afridi with 37 balls
jayasuriya with 48 balls
ijaz with 59 balls
dhritrashtra with 2 balls
afridi with 37 balls
jayasuriya with 48 balls
ijaz with 59 balls
dhritrashtra with 2 balls
GOLF
why is golf a wrong GAME
cozu hold a stick
n
put the ball in the hole
instead of holding the ball
n
putting the
stick in the hole.
cozu hold a stick
n
put the ball in the hole
instead of holding the ball
n
putting the
stick in the hole.
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